Lewee Vutan, y'alls.

I chuckled when I saw these Vuitton boots on style.com today:

 There's something about the all-overness of the monogram, the comfortable looking heel, the wearable shape of this boot that makes me feel uneasy... am I being tricked? Is this a faux-leather boot made in butt-fucking-god.knows-where that's been photoshopped to oblivion as a joke? And why is there so much brand all over it? And why is it so... vernacular?

And despite knowing this is the real deal, I can't help but think it looks fake (how very conceptually dense - now: jokes aside, could brands find inspiration in their most unsophisticated immitations?).  

But since we're at it, here's a couple of other sassy Vutan things these boots brought to mind (just to help you out, Mr. Ghesquière, just in case you read this, which I'm totes sure you do,  while you have your tuna sammich at your desk for lunch): 

Nice crib.

Nice ride.

Nice pump.

Nice bag.

Nice boots (love the Gucci tag, best of both worlds).

Nice um... shoes.

Nice purse. 

Nice DYI job. I mean, you can hardly tell.

Nice pig. (by belgian artist Wim Delvoye, whom you don't want to not know.)

Sh*t I'm currently digging.

I've got major hots for this Moschino Cheap and Chic dress:

Am I delirious or is it totally Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas? I love the fact that it's got a little hint of Loserville about it, a dash of good-girl in the shape, plus a bit of kitsch via the pattern resembling something a dumb tourist would wear. Imagine, all of this at once! This is a dress for good times and good times is what we all need.

"We can't stop here! This is bat country."

I'd wear this with the hottest red lipstick available plus (well, in a fantasy world where 500€ notes rain from the skies) just about any Charlotte Olympia shoe under the sun, which I love like a fat kid loves crack. Or a back-alley hooker loves cake. Wait, am I mixing these up? And I'd also throw in some Miu Miu shades to make the whole thing look a wee bit nostalgic. "Ah, si j'étais riche..."

On a different note, this girl called Sequin makes really cool music. Plus she's cute as hell. 

See? I told you she was hella cute.

I think she's like the musical lovechild of John Grant and Lykke Li. This song reminds me of Grant's "Blackbelt in BS", and I get a feeling there's some Lykke Li in the mix, although I can't quite put my finger on it. Doesn't matter, give it a spin. There's another tune called Flamingo that's pretty cool too.

Big-ass latino earrings are my kryptonite (pictured above: Oscar de la Renta clip-on earrings available at Net-a-Porter). Everytime I flick through a magazine and see one of them swedish princesses wearing tiny pearl or diamond earrings, I think 'aah, how lovely and delicate', but if I go shopping for something similar I always end up with some massive chunkadelic ones instead. I don't know, it's either the Carmen Miranda in me, or maybe there's something about having two christmas trees hanging from my earlobes that aligns my head chakras.

Mr. Selfridge, my latest televisual crack. It's about Harry Gordon Selfridge and how he set up the huge department store in London. He wanted to change the early 20th century stiff british mentality and make shopping exciting (can you believe shopping wasn't exciting once??). It seems as though this process was interesting enough to the point where making a whole tv series about it actually made sense. Plus, the costumes are gorgeous, Jeremy Piven ain't so bad to look at, Selfridges is heaven on earth, so it's win win win, ladies.

Sockandsandalgate - a most grave affair.

Wearing socks with sandals is a controversial fashion combination and cultural phenomenon that is discussed in various countries and cultures. It is sometimes considered a fashion faux pas.    - in Wikipedia

This image showed up on my facebook feed today, and got me thinkin'!

You know what? YES YOU CAN. Or you bloody well should. Don't get me wrong, I realize this photo was made to look great - I appreciate the dynamic foot pose, the colours are great, I even dig the blue jeans with a girly floral pattern, the fluffy pink socks, the mirrored surface of the sandals with a punk yet conceptual edge. But this is exactly what pisses me off about fashion, it's when it works great on a photograph and has no intention to do so in real, three-dimensional life. In fact, outside photos like this, it's just a plain ugly-ass trend. 

Allow me to quickly remind you of how this horrendous combo originated, ja?

Fig.1 The tourist. The creature who's never heard of trainers, slip-ons, or any other shoe offering wonderfully high levels of comfort. Because only sandals and socks will efficiently respond to the tough demands of a hardcore tourist's life. 

Then, desperate for inspiration, those super cool fashion peeps at Cèline looked at the tourist and were all like 'hey let's pimp the shit out of this' and here's what came out:

Crazy, right? I have to say, I like them as an object because they confuse the hell out of me. I mean, they seem to have been made for two opposite seasons and generally make very little sense, which, to be honest, I think is the only good thing about them. But, seriously, no matter how many times I see these shoes being worn by those super fab fashionistas who are like the Bon Jovi-like goddesses of the internet, I still can't help but think they've taken them out of the tourist, but they just haven't taken the tourist out of them.

So now girls are all like, 

  

 "Oh, lord Jesus it's a fire!"  I ran out, I didn't grab no shoes (Birks don't count) or nothing, Jesus I ran for my life. Ain't nobody got time for that!"

"Wheee!I'm fab from the ankles up! Look at me go!"

So, to the fans of this combo from hell, I only say that I hope you grow tired of it soon. And should you be left with a sock'n'sandal shaped hole in your hearts, here's other equally ugly ass things you may wish revisit:

The fanny pack. 

The monocle (so hot right now).

The slanket.

The cameltoe.

Why not all of the above?? AT THE SAME TIME.

Seriously now, let's get over it asap before someone looks at crocs and goes 'what if?'. 

Sh*t I wore.

I wear pretty boring stuff most of the time, which is why I hardly ever post outfit photos. 

The difference between the clothes that make me dream and what I wear in real life is appaling. My job's pretty relaxed and creative, so there's no pressure to look a certain way unless I have meetings, so most of the time the effort I make is around sub-zero. The leather leggins and pink Airmax actually suggest I took some time to think about my appearance for half a second before stepping out of the house. I bought these Airmax totally inspired by my eclectic kuduro muse Blaya (from Buraka Som Sistema - go check them out if you haven't already heard of them). 

This skirt here, I do like, I gotta say. Got it at a vintage boutique in Marseille and I love the brushstroke pattern on it. Très abstract expressionist! 

And a sweater I made. 

My friend Mimi had this black vest from Mango that she layers on top of everything and I loved it especially when it had nothing to do with what she had underneath. So as her friend and number one fan I copied her as soon as I could and got myself one too. Here I am wearing the same vest with suit pants, Valentino shoes and a marinière, so it's like sporty-not sporty. 

Here I just layered textures. Love this Sessùn coat as if it was my own child. Also, this Zara knit sweater is so freaking identical to a Marni one I swear they are twins tragically separated at birth. :(

Moi, derping in front of the ladies room mirror to show you the same black vest layered over a suit-y type outfit (Zara shirt, Strenesse trousers beautifully made at our factory, yay!, Miu Miu shoes). To be honest I'm sort of channeling Riccardo Pozzoli here, as I love how he wears big sporty duffel vests over suits: 

 So that's it, really, not exactly Anna Dello Russo's fashion shower. Bye!

Cool as a cucumber.

This lobster ring by Virzi+De Luca (160€ at Net-a-Porter) is pretty much the coolest fucking thing I've ever seen.

In the Mood For

While everyone else plus their mothers seem to be detoxing themselves shitless via the ever so fashionable green juices, I've been busy eating Nutella straight out of the jar, cleaning dog barf and fantasizing about a couple of beautiful things, such as:

GIANVITO ROSSI, aka the maker of the sexiest shoes in the world. I mean, seriously, this is the stuff my (wet) dreams are made of. 

(fig.1 the shoe of a total B-A-W-S-S)

OVERALLS: not quite the uniform of seduction, but aren't they just a brilliant blank canvas offering infinite creative possibilities?

(fig.2 Current/Elliott overals + a classic marinière + awesome bold shoes - from top right, clock-wise: Prada, Manolo Blahnik, Vans, Valentino, Gianvito Rossi, Chloè. And boom! Bob's your uncle.)

SHE WANTS REVENGE, my latest musical obssession. If you're into Joy Division, this will sound familiar, although with an extra dash of sexy. Listen to the lyrics closely and you'll want to drag that special someone to a dark corner to do naughty things.

JEZEBEL.COM, my latest web addiction: a brilliant blog with "Celebrity, Sex, Fashion for Women. Without Airbrushing." as their editorial motto. They've just published a piece about Karl Lagerfeld's new boutique in London having mini iPads installed in the changing rooms so clients can take selfies whilst trying on the clothes. Good god, it really has come to this...

http://jezebel.com/karl-lagerfeld-s-new-store-has-ipads-in-the-dressing-ro-1544955595

Touch me babe

Love this Moschino bathing suit, it's just so... bow-chikka-wow-wow.